Resilience: Duncan Grant swims across the current
Duncan Grant has multiple sclerosis (MS) and talks to us about the resilience involved in 'swimming across the current': the freedom and joy that come from acceptance, the willingness to change your mindset and embrace vulnerability in community.
After receiving a Mastering Mountains grant in July 2023, Duncan was training hard, swimming and putting in hours at the gym in preparation for his goal: to swim from Rangitoto to St Heliers beach. Little did he know that the next 12 months would feature several difficult setbacks, requiring him to draw deeply on his remarkable resilience.
“I’ve always been pretty resilient, I suppose, but I probably haven’t realised how resilient I am until now.”
His first setback came in November 2023. He was on track and building up nicely for the first event, The Rangitoto Swim – a 4.6 km crossing with hundreds of other swimmers. But then, five days beforehand, COVID hit. "It was game over," he said. "It was a very hard time to mentally cope with because I had put lots of work in."
At this time, Duncan experienced the strength of being in community. During their monthly online catch-up, the other Mastering Mountains grant recipients sensed that Duncan was feeling down about the situation. As a good community does, they empathised with him and encouraged him. They "boosted me back up", Duncan explained, giving him the strength to cope through this time.
Bean Rock Swim: Confronting realities
After a second Rangitoto swim event was cancelled, Duncan decided to attempt the Bean Rock Swim in February 2024, where he faced a more significant challenge. The Bean Rock Swim is 3.2 km long, starting at Mission Bay and heading around the Bean Rock Lighthouse in the Waitemata Harbour. This was Duncan's first ocean swim in a while, and he hadn't counted on the mental and physical challenges it would bring.
Partly, this was because Duncan would compare his current performance to how things were before his MS diagnosis: "I hadn't done the Ocean Swim Series for a few years, maybe from being a bit nervous. I was still looking at what I used to do compared to where I am now, so I hadn't adapted properly in my mind. I didn't do [the ocean swimming events] because I was scared I'd fail and wouldn't be able to do the times I used to do."
During this swim, Duncan also had a confronting experience about the limitations of his body: "It was the first time I'd got out of the water after that distance and found it really hard to walk. That upset me quite a bit because my body shuts down, and I can't walk very well. It's really interesting going from a vertical plane for an hour and a half and then trying to stand up. The nervous system just won't connect. It was quite hard for me to accept that that was going to happen."
Despite facing this new reality, Duncan worked to shift his mindset and find ways to manage fatigue and his body at the end of the race. That is, until another obstacle presented itself: an accident that broke his foot in two places, putting him in a moon boot. Nonetheless, he considered this "another little hurdle that I had to overcome," even though it was winter when he got out of the moon boot and the swimming season was over.
A Change of Mind: "It's just good to swim, no matter what."
At this point, Duncan could have fallen into old perspectives and been carried along by old currents. He returned to the gym and gradually regained full fitness but had to pivot. Together, he and Nick came up with a new plan for three more races: the Auckland Harbour Crossing (October 2024), Beach to Bay in Russell (November 2024), and The Rangitoto Swim in Auckland (February 2025). But this time, Duncan's approach was different.
It was his work over the 2023/24 summer through the Kohi Swim Series – a weekly open water swim (with distances ranging from 250 m to 2500 m) at Kohimarama Beach in Auckland – and the Bean Rock Swim that laid the foundation for a more resilient path. During these swims, he started to approach things differently, taking the first steps to accept how his capacity had changed.
"My first stage in acceptance," Duncan explains (talking of the Kohi Swim Series), "was to drop out of the 2 km swim and come back to the 1,500 m. A lot of people swim the 2 km, it's very competitive. I wanted to take myself out of that competitive environment, … to have my own space, my own mindset. That was probably the first stage of getting my mind into – It's just good to swim, no matter what."
Auckland Harbour Crossing: A new path
With this new mindset, it was time for the first race of the season: the Auckland Harbour Crossing – a 3.2 km swim from Bayswater to the Viaduct. This was particularly challenging because of the stronger current resulting from a king tide.
"Out of all my years of ocean swimming, which has been a long time, [this] was probably the hardest by far in swimming in a current," Duncan says. "We were swimming across the channel on a side angle. Even [someone who swam in] the Commonwealth Games and the Olympics said it was the hardest swim they've ever done."
It was in this race that Duncan intentionally chose a new path. He decided to swim it with a friend, choosing not to worry about his pace or time.
"Swimming with someone took away all the pressure of trying to get a good time", says Duncan. "The current slowed us right down, but we stuck together all the way. We got in a good rhythm [and by the end] I hadn't run out of energy; I felt good," he exclaimed, noting the ripping king tide. "We were coming into the harbour, and I realised no matter how good I feel, I'm still going to have the issue of trying to get up and out, but [my friend] helped me out of the water and up the ramp. Then our friends from our swim group were there cheering us on… I was absolutely stoked." Duncan paused. "It felt good to know it was achievable and knowing I can still do it."
This swim redefined success and failure for Duncan, traversing his usual current of measuring these outcomes based on performance. Before, failure was about not being able to keep up with his past times; now, success is about not letting MS stop him from completing a race – about doing what he loves.
This moving experience further opened his eyes to the power of community. The support Duncan received from his swim community was deeply impactful, especially in the context of his vulnerability around his MS diagnosis. Allowing himself to receive physical support so publicly came with a new level of acceptance.
"Allowing [my friend] to help me up out of the water and hold my hand to walk up the stairs because I couldn't [do it] very well was a really special moment," Duncan said. "I don't really use my legs in the water anymore, but they still get tired. I've just accepted that."
From this place of acceptance and vulnerability, not only did Duncan allow himself to receive physical support but also the emotional support of the friends who had shown up for him. Their support, Duncan explained, "means absolutely everything because I'm not very good at having people there for me. It was really emotional for me. It made the whole experience... The most important thing was that my friends were up the top, and I could hear them shouting, and they knew that was a very special achievement for me."
Again, Duncan traversed his usual current of choosing to do it alone. Before, his journey was about keeping things to himself; now, it's about choosing to be vulnerable and embracing the support of his community.
What's Next
At the time of writing, Duncan is on track and "pretty excited" for the Beach to Bay Swim in October, a 3.4 km crossing from Paihia to Russell in the beautiful Bay of Islands. Again, he'll tackle this one with a friend and is choosing to focus on something other than his time. In fact, he's discovering another dimension to this new way of approaching his events – finding joy and meaning in helping other swimmers develop confidence and the camaraderie of doing it together.
An update: Duncan successfully completed the swim and, in an inspirational post, wrote afterwards: "The swim was epic, beautiful conditions and beautiful people. I took my time on the swim to actually enjoy the moment of being present in what I was doing. This made the swim so much more enjoyable. Anyone with a chronic illness can 'do' whatever they want to achieve if they put their mind to it. It might not be the longest distance or the fastest of times, but if you enjoy that moment of being present in the activity, that in itself is a win."
Next year, he'll face the Rangitoto, which he admits he's "extremely nervous" about. He and a friend will train for the event by doing a couple of 4.5 km swims and practice swimming at a slower pace with a 30-second stop every kilometre.
No matter how this goes, however, Duncan recognises that redefining success is an ongoing process: "I've definitely changed my mindset in that regard," he explains. "It's all a learning curve. Instead of learning from failing, [it's] a different type of learning. It's really good."
Key Learnings: Goals and the power of acceptance
Despite the challenges he's faced, Duncan is philosophical about the journey of the past year. He outlines some important lessons that he will draw on going forward as he continues to swim across the current of past patterns of behaviour and ways of thinking.
Duncan recognises the need for a clear purpose. "It's been, funnily enough, a really cool journey, even though it's been hard and there've been setbacks," he reflects. "I could have done Rangitoto, and everything could have gone well … But actually, drawing it out a little bit – not on purpose – has made my journey a lot more valuable to me. If it had gone well, it would've been a short, sharp 'done,' and then I maybe wouldn't have had all the time to reflect about actually – What am I trying to achieve?" It is this question that gave him the ability to step back and reassess how he defined success and failure; it also empowers him as he works toward his goals.
As Duncan reflects on the strategies that have helped carry him through, he acknowledges the value of determination and having a goal to work toward. "Fifteen years ago, when I stopped running because I didn't know what was happening to my body [before the MS diagnosis], my mate threw me a wetsuit, and I started swimming. I could hardly swim," he mentions, laughing. "I did the 500 m, and I was ridiculous; I nearly came last. But then as I get out, I'm like – bugger you, 500 m, I'm going to do whatever I can to knock you off. So then I conquered the 500 m. I got some swimming lessons … Then I knocked off the 1 km, the 1.5 km, the 2 km."
Utilising that same spirit of determination and the power of a goal, Duncan approached this year with a similar mindset. "Okay, yeah, it's a setback," Duncan told himself. "I've been disappointed, yes, but then it's straight back [into it]. I'm at the doctor's asking – When can I get this cast off? I've still got another goal."
At the same time, Duncan doesn't allow his goals and aspirations to seed worry about the future; instead, he chooses to remain present. "Always in the back of my mind, the biggest thing that affects me, and it's really hard not to think about it, is – Where am I going to be in five years? Where am I going to be in ten years? I have no idea," he says, noting that most people with neurological conditions must contend with this reality. "In five years, I might only be able to swim one km, but still, I'll adapt to that then. I'm determined to do as much as I can now."
Most significantly, perhaps, Duncan has learned the power of acceptance – adapting to the new reality, particularly in the context of loss. Acceptance has "been one of the hardest things – what I used to swim, the times I used to get, how my body used to feel," Duncan says before firmly stating, "It's all about acceptance. I've accepted I've got MS. I don't like it, I don't want it, but it's not going anywhere. Acceptance is the key thing that makes me more resilient."
We are excited about Duncan's next steps and his future. We can't wait to follow his progress and watch as his resilient spirit inspires and strengthens others to swim across the current.
Thank you
Mastering Mountains would like to offer a huge thank you to our sponsors for making this grant possible:
MitoQ for a supply of their antioxidant supplement;
Rab for supplying clothing.
We also appreciate the generous support of CLM The Bays and Swim T3.